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Joke of the Day

"I'm always terrified when someone knocks on the door while I'm home alone as if murderers and burglars knock first"

"Nobody knows how much work I put into looking only this fat."

"If everyone jumped off the docks I would too. I'm a sucker for pier pressure."

"""Wow the service here is really good"" - snail after waiting 40 mins for a Big Mac"

"What does Julius Ceasar say after sex? Veni."

"How does Robin hood send messages around Sherwood Forest? By tree mail!"

"Are you reading this from a toilet? I'm writing this from one."

"I became a vegetarian switched to weed."

"How can Peter Pan fly? You'd fly too if somebody panned your peter."

"For those of you who don't know me, we haven't met yet."