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Joke of the Day

"""Wow the service here is really good"" - snail after waiting 40 mins for a Big Mac"

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"A surgeon was put on trial for sewing several people's genitals to their faces. When asked why he would commit such a heinous crime he replied ""Eh, just to fuck with their heads."""
"Why can't New Zealanders tell you how many sexual partners they've had? Every time they start to count, they fall asleep."
"They told me I had to move to Northern Canada. I said I want none of it."
"What do vegan zombies say? GRAAAAAAINS!"
"Meeting friends for dinner. Can't find my phone so I'm bringing along a TV remote to stare at."
"What's the best way to get a Jewish girl's number? Roll up her sleeve."
"Use chemicals to remove polish, and no one blinks an eye... Use chemicals to remove the Polish and everyone loses their minds."
"What do you call a midget psychic committing a crime? Small medium at large."
"*undercover cop knocks* Hi fill out this survey to win a free IPad! 1. name 2. address 3. email 4. where are drugs *mustache falls off*"