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Joke of the Day

"What does Julius Ceasar say after sex? Veni."

"A notorious card sharp was found dead last night. He'd been clubbed on the heart with a diamond spade."

"Why did Bob get 'Emo' Grass for his lawn? Because it cuts itself."

"Why did the ""M&M;"" go to university? He wanted to become a ""Smartie"""

"You know you're getting old when you forget the name of the street you grew up on and break your hip and die."

"I was gonna make a joke about hitting the gym ...maybe tomorrow"

"What do you get when if you cross an insomniac, a dyslexic and an agnostic? A person who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog."

"I can't believe my computer has the audacity to edit audio"

"Just walked by the place I had brunch last weekend and one of my friends is still sitting there talking about herself"

"I stuck a firecracker up the cats butt! Mommy: Tommy, it's rectum. Tommy: I'll say it rectum! It blew 'em all to hell!"