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Joke of the Day

"I can't have kids CUZ the second they disrespect me hooomaaagaww I would throw a child out a window"

"A cheetah stalking its prey would be jealous of the way I pounce on the Skip Ad button on YT once the 5 seconds are up."

"(NSFW) we all want something... White people: legalize gay marriage!! Black people: legalize weed!! Mexicans: legalize us!!"

"Can I use cash to pay for a new electric car? No, you have to charge it."

"If an officer... Ever wants you to say the alphabet backwards, just say ""het tebahpla"""

"Some girl wanted me to take her to see 50 Shades of Grey... So I took her to Sherwin-Williams."

"Insult me with your BEST, most offensive , crude insults you can think of! Let's see who can make me cry, and rethink continuing living!"

"As a Brandon, I'm constantly at war with Brendans. Do not confuse them with my kind. They are shit demons. Slaying them is my birthright."

"So summer is coming up and i think I'm in good enough shape to pull off a two piece. The hardest part is just chasing her down."

"What's the difference between Bill and Hillary Clinton? One wants their aides to keep their mouth closed, the other wants them to keep their mouth open."