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Joke of the Day

"""It behooves you."" -Inventor of the horseshoe, explaining to a dubious horse."

"What do you call a Filipino Contortionist? A Manila folder."

"Being with you is like listening to golf on the radio."

"[hiding in pantry from murderer] [quietly tries to open bag of chips]"

"we're fucked When u thought that Donald Trump running for president was a joke then realized I don't have enough money saved up to move out of the country."

"What's long, green, and smells like bacon? Kermit's finger."

"Why don't gangsters play quidditch? They always just kill the snitch."

"""The Force Awakens"" had 0 people riding giant CGI lizards. How is that even science fiction? They might as well rename it ""Downton Abbey."""

"What's worse than a worm in your apple? The Holocaust..."

"What did the mother say to the child who refused to eat his fossil for dinner? Trilobite, you'll love it!"