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Joke of the Day

"""Be right there! I just need to rip my lovely real eyebrows out & draw shitty fake ones in their place."" -Thousands of women"

"Alzheimer's Doctor: I'm sorry to inform you that you have cancer and Alzheimer's disease. Geezer: Well at least I don't have cancer."

"*cocks shotgun* I asked you a question: in order to ride a pug would you rather be shrunk to its size or have it grown to your size"

"Latvian Jokes Latvian Olympian win silver medal in skeleton. Wishes silver medal was potato. Still is hungry."

"I like telling people I'm 4 months pregnant so they'll tell me how great I look."

"Why don't black people know how to swim Because nobody jumped off the ship"

"I finally learned how to convert units to the metric system! It's a real 1.61kilometers6.35kilograms for me."

"What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas? He went to the Shell station."

"Never serve bad food at a bris Otherwise the rabbi won't leave a tip"

"Dry January is going really well. Even if everyone keeps saying that I need to shower."