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Joke of the Day
"What do you call a terrorist who's always late? 9/12"
Next Joke
"What's worse than finding a caterpillar in your apple? Finding half a caterpillar in your apple"
"I'm basically just waiting to eat again."
"Eating a block of cheese is probably the most delicious way to figure out it's time to get some groceries."
"What's a Liberal Arts Major's Favorite Board Game?...... Trivial Pursuit."
"A photon goes to a hotel... He arrives and the clerk says, ""Sir may I take your luggage"" the photon then replies, ""No, I'm traveling light"""
"Sometimes i look up at the stars, the sky and wonder... ... Where the FUCK did my roof go?"
"[argument w/girlfriend] HER: you know what your problem is? ME: no, *grabs pen and begins taking notes* but i'm about to find out"
"What do you call someone who murders a hundred people with a potato masher? A mash murderer."
"#MyRoommateIsWeird she keeps having babies and making me take care of them. She also insists I call her 'Wife'"