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Joke of the Day

"*cocks shotgun* I asked you a question: in order to ride a pug would you rather be shrunk to its size or have it grown to your size"

"I phoned a local restaurant. I said, ""Hello, can I make a booking for tonight?"" They said, ""I'm sorry, we haven't got any tables."" ""That's ridiculous,"" I said. ""How do you serve the food?"""

"It's not really 'fast food' if fat people can catch it."

"Mugger *shows knife* Crocodile Dundee ""No this is a knife"" *pulls out huge knife* Alanis Morrisette ""Hang on"" *sifts through 10,000 spoons*"

"What kind of meth do nerds like? Xbox SmartGlass"

"I heard they were gonna make a movie about Michael Jackson It was gonna be titled ""50 Shades of Black""."

"There's a big difference between writing poetry, and just making stories with rhymes. Guess which one I'm good at, limes."

"What is Michele Obama's favorite vegetable? Barack-oli"

"I finally got the confidence to be a peeping tom For the longest time, I was just beating around the bush"

"What's the weather like in Iraq ? Sunni in the North Shiite in the South."