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Joke of the Day

"A programmer's wife asks him to pick up a loaf of bread and, if they have eggs, get a dozen. The programmer comes home with a dozen loaves of bread."

"One day I'll cure blindness. You'll see! You'll all see!"

"It's a man's job to respect a woman. But, it's a woman's job to give him something to respect..."

"I still miss my ex-wife BUT MY AIM IS GETTING BETTER"

"Like my therapist always says, ""I'm not your therapist, you're just laying on a couch in Ikea"""

"How many programmers does it take to screw in a light-bulb? None, that is a hardware problem."

"Give yourself something to look forward to tomorrow: Text a friend, ""I think you owe me an apology,"" then turn off your phone and go to bed"

"Make it hurt nsfw A woman told me to give her 12 inches and make it hurt so I fucked her twice and punched her in the face."

"MY AUNT: All we can do now is pray DOCTOR: Oh nice so I should put down this cardio thoracic surgical instrument? We're good here?"

"What am I? I have 4 eyes, hundreds of legs, and wings. What am I? A liar."