179857

Joke of the Day

"Get a hair cut, run away without paying. They can't chase you because they're holding scissors. The perfect crime."

"Some pretty young girl just knocked on my door saying there was a Pokemon inside my house... I was all ""Nice try Chris Hansen..."""

"Your 'Chemistry' with your girlfriend is great if you remember her 'Periodic Table'."

"""Rapunzel, Rapunzel let down your hair!"" *A long strand of smelly hair falls out the tower* ""Screw this!"""

"If your Uncle was an animal, what one would he be? An Aunt-eater."

"Your momma's so fat... ...that when I asked her what her what her favorite time of the year was, she said, ""dinner time."""

"Did you hear the one about the dyslexic philosopher with insomnia? He was up all night wondering if there really is a dog. I know it's a dad joke, because it was my dad's favorite joke."

"People say that it's unethical to eat meat But I feel good every time I eat bacon and remember that I've taken a pig that was living a squalid and miserable life and sent it to heaven."

"If you walk in on a girl giving birth in the bathroom at Applebees, don't judge her, you're also eating at Applebees."

"Responsible pet owners pick up their dog's poop. Cool pet owners pick their dogs up from the airport (after their doggy business trips)."