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Joke of the Day

"I've accepted that my brother is never paying back that money I loaned him... I've lost interest, and I'm just giving up on the principal."

"A liar, a murderer, and a thief walk into a bar. The bartender asks, ""what will it be, Mrs. Clinton?"""

"It's like these fools at the gym have never seen a girl with roller skates on the treadmill before."

"Oscar Pistorius said he wanted a new bathroom door..... But his girlfriend was dead against it"

"It's so frustrating when your therapist tells you to go to your happy place then yells at you when you show up at her house"

"I'm in a band called 1023 megabytes... We haven't had a gig yet"

"Why don't tortoises wear scarves? They have turtlenecks"

"I hate putting my clothes in the washing machine... they always seem so agitated when I take them out."

"Netflix just announced it's raising the price and changing it's slogan to ""One movie you wanna see and a thousand others you never heard of"""

"How do you lose 30 pounds in 1 Minute? Go to England and buy something"