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Joke of the Day

"A liar, a murderer, and a thief walk into a bar. The bartender asks, ""what will it be, Mrs. Clinton?"""

"Guy:Hey what are you doing? Girl:unzipping it Guy:why? Girl:I want to see how big it is. .. *Unzips tent and gets inside* Girl:nice, nice.."

"You know how sometimes... You know how sometimes even when you're not hungry you'll get tempted to eat something just because it's in front of you? Well, that's how I lost my job as a gynecologist."

"Said the Buddhist to the hot dog vendor... ""Make me one with everything"""

"*running from cops* Me: hey wait hold up if we're gonna do this i really should be wearing my fitbit Cop: yeah me too good idea"

"""Fraud"" Our teacher put an ugly dried up amphibian specimen on the lab table and asked: So. Is it a FROG or a TOAD? Murph: It is a ""FRAUD""."

"How did you do in your tests ? I did what George Washington did ! What was that ? Went down in history !"

"How do you build a boat? Well Im not sure, but I do Noah guy."

"So prince is dead... Which means that half-way through the embalming process, he'll be a half-blood prince."

"Alfred Nobel is considered the inventor of dynamite ...because all the others could not be positively identified."