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Joke of the Day

"Netflix just announced it's raising the price and changing it's slogan to ""One movie you wanna see and a thousand others you never heard of"""

"How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles? Nail its other hand to the floor."

"What's worse than two babies in a dumpster? A baby in two dumpsters."

"Heads, you give me your phone number, tails you go on a date with me. *flips coin into ceiling fan, it's knocked out a window into the sea*"

"Remember when Taco Bell's slogan was ""run for the border""? Doesn't that seem really racist now... that would be like KFC's slogan being ""go back to Africa"""

"People with egg avatars are the extras having silent conversations that no one pays attention to."

"i tip my fedora to u *tips fedora* here's an upboat"

"I never pay for drinks I just insult women at bars & when they throw drinks in my face I open my mouth haha thanks for the free booze ladies"

"Why wasn't the vampire working? He was on his coffin break."

"*intermittently glances at phone while placing order for 6 burritos so the Chipotle lady thinks they're for multiple people*"