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Joke of the Day

"It's so frustrating when your therapist tells you to go to your happy place then yells at you when you show up at her house"

"The three reasons for liking a status: 1) I agree with you. 2) I realize this is about me, of course I'm gonna like it. 3) I like you."

"What's the difference between a Vagina and a Refrigerator? A Fridge doesn't fart when you take your meat out."

"An old lady on the bus just tried to set me up with her daughter. Here's everything she knows about me: 1) I don't have a car"

"I don't drink, smoke or swear. Holy shit! I dropped my cigarette into my beer!"

"""You promise you didn't get me bees again"" [me from a distance] just open it"

"What's red and is bad for your teeth? A brick"

"How does Winnie the Pooh open his honey pot? With his bear hands. Thank the Chive for that one."

"Why didn't the boxer cross the road? He didn't want to be part of a bad punch line."

"You know when you're peeing with a boner... It's really hard."