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Joke of the Day

"Spent all last night mouthing words to my dog to try and convince him that he'd gone deaf."

"""We've isolated the gene for the long, drawn-out sigh!"" -Sighentists"

"""I have a coupon for a large 2 topping"" ""What toppings?"" ""Pepperoni & a small cheese pizza"" ""Sir you can't top a pizza with a smaller pizza"""

"Ask me if I'm a snail! No. This joke works much better if you say it to the other person like they're an idiot for asking."

"When I was young I used to be young and stupid. Now I'm just stupid."

"I'm dyslexic, atheist & insomniac I stayed up all night wondering if there really is a doG"

"This hasn't helped my bull get any sleep at all. In fact, the closer I get to him with the bulldozer, the more agitated he gets."

"List of food it's okay to eat with your hands: - corn on the cob - chicken wings - ribs - hamburgers - spaghetti at your in-laws"

"MOM: putting him in sports was a bad idea DAD: yup ME (in right field wearing my cup on my face): hey coach look at me I'm Bane lol"

"A hot girl texted me ""Come over, no one's home"" So i went over... And no one's home"