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Joke of the Day

"This hasn't helped my bull get any sleep at all. In fact, the closer I get to him with the bulldozer, the more agitated he gets."

"I want a girl with a short skirt and a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng neck. I want to date a giraffe basically."

"*i sneeze* Atheist: bless u Me: ha! i caught u Atheist: no its just like, an expression Me:*grabbing him by shoulders* u believe in god"

"How many call girls does it take to chAnge a lightbulb. None, because when they're dead their just called hookers."

"We are never going to defeat the Decepticons, they are too good. I mean Bumblebee can't even talk! ~Pessimist Prime."

"My friend thinks he is so smart. He said the only food that can make a person cry is onions... until I hit him in the face with a coconut."

"I'm eating a vegan lunch today. Sure, it's six sleeves of Smarties and a Diet Coke, but I'm still better than you."

"Which fast food joint is a euphemism for female masturbation? Jack in the box. (Jackin the box)"

"What do you call a book club that's been stuck on the same book for thousands of years? Church"

"It goes without saying, that..."