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Joke of the Day

"MOM: putting him in sports was a bad idea DAD: yup ME (in right field wearing my cup on my face): hey coach look at me I'm Bane lol"

"Why can't Edward leave Russia this winter? He'll be Snowden."

"DRAGON: get AWAY from me ME: let me pet ur scales pls DRAGON: I don't even KNOW u ME: breathe fire on me DRAGON: *is creeped out*"

"Did you hear about the farmer who tried to be a stand up comedian? His jokes weren't dairy funny."

"What's the one car that gingers can't have? A Kia Soul."

"What do you call a soldier with long arms? An army soldier"

"Son asked me what a cowlick is To which I replied, thats what you call giving oral to Adele."

"I went to the Reddit hotel The host wasn't responding."

"Back from my bike ride and I feel fit as a fiddle ... the fiddle, ya know, that most athletic of instruments..."

"What is the difference between a sandwich and a baby? I don't have sex with the sandwich before I eat it !"