118544
Joke of the Day
"Is there absolutely nothing in your pocket or are you just sad to see me?"
Next Joke
"Opening a Twitter account is like opening a bag of money after you rob a bank. You're happy until shit explodes in your face."
"Tip of the day: When there's a will...find a way to be in it!"
"I was doing CPR on a co-worker for 5 minutes before someone told me that's just how she laughs"
"What do you call a psychoanalyst's underwear? A Freudian slip."
"My negotiating strategy is to make a skeptical face for one second then pay what the other person asked."
"Potassium and Oxygen went on a date. It was OK."
"I swear if one more person RT's poetry into my TL I will draw a bath, light some candles, and just get lost in the verse's haunting imagery."
"What would happen if pigs went on strike? They'd form pigget lines."
"My mom recently bought a Jesus shaped flashlight When I asked her why she said: So whenever someone says ""I can't see"" I can be like ""here, let Jesus light the path"""