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Joke of the Day

"I swear if one more person RT's poetry into my TL I will draw a bath, light some candles, and just get lost in the verse's haunting imagery."

"What does a cynical Irishman drink? Whiskey sour"

"What's a Catholic's favorite way to send money? PayPal"

"I invented a new word. Plagiarism."

"I know a guy who bowled a 301. ""How'd he do that?"" Because you can't bowl a 300 and lose."

"Why do we let women and children off a sinking ship first? So the sharks aren't hungry anymore."

"I really hate working late. My ride turns into a pumpkin and I always end up losing a shoe."

"I'd like to live in Abu Dhabi. There's nothing like the bright lights, ritzy real estate, and an occasional public beheading."

"I like my KitKat like I like my girls: Two at once."

"I overheard a friend telling his pal ""I can't break my wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning."" ""What is she doing?"" the pal asks. ""Waiting for me to get home."""