49783

Joke of the Day

"Opening a Twitter account is like opening a bag of money after you rob a bank. You're happy until shit explodes in your face."

"Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? To get to the bottom"

"*registering with a doctor* Receptionist: ""Thanks for filling in the form - you've missed the next of kin section"" *batman runs out crying*"

"A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking."

"Encyclopedias are just ghetto Google."

"I saw a fight at a campsite yesterday. It was in tents!"

"Holding a friend's phone for her. Just texted ""put a ring on it"" to five random male names. Stay tuned."

"What do you call a pirate that pees on other people? Rrrrrrrrrrrr Kelly"

"So, I understand Michael Jackson died from food poisoning... ...he choked on a 9-year old weiner."

"I didn't get groped by the TSA at all. We just kissed a little, it was nice."