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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I drown cookies in milk in front of their family until they tell me the whereabouts of the Keebler Elves."

"I don't like to go to funerals I'm just not a mourning person."

"[rookie undercover] *walks up to dealer* ""yo you a cop"" um no ""hmm ok what you want"" EIGHT COCAINES PLEASE *gives thumbs up to chief in car*"

"Why can't an angle lease an apartment alone? Because he has to cosign"

"What's a sailor's favorite solvent? [Cycloheptane](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cycloheptane) -- the Seven Cs."

"If you love somebody... Let them go. If they come back, no one wanted them."

"What do you call a natural blonde who dyes her hair? Artificial intelligence."

"Never gonna be as big as ED BASSMASTER but alright with me! Never gonna be Never gonna be as big as ED!"

"Why wasn't Sarah Jessica Parker cast in ""Seabiscuit""? I don't think she auditioned for the movie, or was even considered for it. And she was busy with ""Sex and the City"" anyway."

"I'm gonna covet you. I am gonna covet you so hard. I am gonna covet the holy living shit outta you. C'mere."