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Joke of the Day
"I don't like to go to funerals I'm just not a mourning person."
Next Joke
"Did you hear about the sequel to ""The Thing""? Turns out one of Jackie Chan's Relatives is directing it. His Uncle, I believe.   He's calling it ""ONE *MORE* THING!"""
"Everyone SAYS they want a fairytale wedding but when I show up and curse their firstborn suddenly I'm the jerk."
"<gets pulled over> Officer- What's making all that noise in your trunk? Me- My feelings. I'm trying to dispose of them properly."
"So Brad Pitt is being investigated for child abuse after yelling at his kids on a flight. Better send my mum to the electric chair then."
"I put out a Want ad for a psychic... It said, ""You know when and where to show up. Don't be late."""
"people almost never ask me for man advice because 98% of it is ""you should slash his tires"""
"Spider-Man's Aunt May is now portrayed by Marisa Tomei..... At first they cast Caitlin Jenner....but they decided *Aunt-Man* was too easily confused with *Ant-Man*"
"I was catfished once For thirty years Pluto had me convinced he was a planet..."
"What do you call blonde girls in a wrapper? Airheads"