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Joke of the Day

"Why can't an angle lease an apartment alone? Because he has to cosign"

"Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth... Its pasteurized before you even see it!"

"I got robbed by a magician Took my wallet, watch and every silver dollar I had behind my ear."

"Dumb and Nobody in class... Dumb: Teacher!! Teacher!! Nobody is bothering me. Teacher: Kid, are you dumb? Dumb: Yes."

"On your first day of prison, go up to the biggest, scariest guy there, and ask him ""Have you heard of updog?"""

"I can't stand when guys complain about their girlfriends giving shitty hand jobs I see where they're coming from, but something about it just rubs me the wrong way"

"Did you hear about the hearse that got into a head on collision? Luckily only one person was found dead at the scene"

"I still call my dad ""Master"" out in public so that people stare and feel bad for me."

"Why doesn't George RR Martin use twitter? Because he killed all 144 characters -stolen from /r/gameofthrones"

"What's the difference between rearranging your schedule and getting to second base with an ex-girlfriend? One is playing with your priorities, the other is playing with prior titties!"