117196

Joke of the Day

"The best part about owning a pet. You can blame your dog for farting, you can blame your cat for things falling over at night, and you can blame your goldfish for the screaming in the basement."

"I saw someone try to park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn't see the driver so I'm not going to assume what gender she was."

"Ramadan Putting the slim back into Muslim"

"What do you get if you cross an illiterate african american with an illegal hispanic immigrant looking for a green card? A U.S soldier."

"Well they were right. If you shave around it it looks bigger Damn nose.."

"How do you organise a space party? You planet!"

"Christian pop music? You mean holy shit?"

"The key to a great tweet is attention to detale."

"I wondered if my wife was asleep so I held my phone a foot over her face and turned it on. Then I dropped it onto her nose. She's awake now."

"How many optometrists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One... or two? One... or two?"