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Joke of the Day

"The best part about owning a pet. You can blame your dog for farting, you can blame your cat for things falling over at night, and you can blame your goldfish for the screaming in the basement."

"What is the least pleasant state to live in? Missouri."

"Why do nuns hate laundry day? They always fall back on old habits."

"u guys like coachella? u know who else was in a desert with people who didn't shower? Moses. hi i'm your new youth pastor Keith"

"I was furious when I found my wife's profile on an on-line dating website. That lying bitch isn't, ""Fun to be around."""

"I just figured about why dogs are so bad at math Because when we answer a question we have to pause, but when they answer a question they have four paws."

"iPhone 6 for $900 or a ski mask for $1.99.. Your choice"

"What's the difference between Rob Ford and a circus sideshow freak? One's a fat, ugly, disturbing waste of money. The other's married to a bearded lady."

"Did you hear about the man who flashed three old ladies sitting on a bench in the park? First old lady had a stroke. Second old lady had a stroke. Third old lady's arm was too short to reach."

"What's large, grey, and doesn't matter? An irrelephant."