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Joke of the Day

"I saw someone try to park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn't see the driver so I'm not going to assume what gender she was."

"What's orange and sounds like a carrot!!!???? A snowman blowing his nose!!!!!!!!"

"Me:*delete pics* IPhone: you sure? M:Yes IP: Ok I'll just put them over here Me:delete them IP: Ok *whispers* keeping them on the cloud tho"

"Jewelry make the perfect gifts because if things don't work out, she can throw them away and make you suffer. Take Titanic for example."

"I just read that a veteran policeman has been suspended from his job... after being caught masturbating and smoking weed in his office. No name was given but he was a high wanking officer."

"How does a feminist screw in a light bulb? She doesn't, she just holds it in the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her."

"me: wow a pegasus flying horse: actually Pegasus was just one horse we all have different names me: oh whats yours flying horse: Pegasus 2"

"Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost."

"So an Irishman walks past a bar..."

"My State of the Union I am from Illinois, but I also lived in Arizona for a while."