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Joke of the Day

"On the bright side of the election There hasn't been a presidential assassination in a while."

"When you get laid off. :("

"Knock Knock -Who's there? -Interrupting cow with an identity crisis. -Interrupting cow w- -WOOF! WOOF!"

"Mr. and Mrs. Needle were so proud of their son when he grew up to be an upstanding citizen. While growing up, he was a little prick."

"I like my women like I like my tea. In a bag, underwater."

"Juliet: you know it's true love, when you finish each other's- Romeo: LIFE Juliet: [sighs all annoyed] like why do you say shit like that?"

"One time I was so high, my flatscreen fell off the wall and I thought it was just part of the movie."

"What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor? 8)"

"How does a woman pick up Donald Trump? With a pooper-scooper."

"What's the biggest difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? The taste."