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Joke of the Day

"Wanted to tweet ""I'm hella tired"" but my phone keeps autocorrecting ""hella"" to ""REALLY? HELLA? YOU ARE A GROWN-ASS LADY, KNOCK IT OFF."""

"3 cars back at the Burger King drive thru gives you a devastating amount of time to consider your missteps."

"My girlfriend wanted me to be more like her ex. So I dumped her."

"For $11, you can come to my house and watch me shave. The plot is a little weak, but the 3D effects are amazing."

"What did the farmers daughter say when she lost her virginity? Get off me dad your crushing my smokes!"

"What Did Kid Davis Say To The Lesbian Melons? you cantaloupe. i just thought of this. probably not the first person to, but i certainly didn't steal it."

"Two men walk into a bar.... The third one ducks."

"You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it date an emotionally available, age-appropriate, nice, single guy with a good job."

"how many Irishman does it take to screw in a light bulb? 2, one to hold the light bulb the other to drink until the room spins"

"wut equasion do u use when u wanna kno tha prbility that u & ur girl are gonna b 2gether 4ever? bae's theorem"