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Joke of the Day

"Wanted to tweet ""I'm hella tired"" but my phone keeps autocorrecting ""hella"" to ""REALLY? HELLA? YOU ARE A GROWN-ASS LADY, KNOCK IT OFF."""

"Today I had sex with a girl in an apple orchard... And came in cider. Source: Bo Burnham. So goddamn funny."

"Why can't Irishmen be lawyers? They can never get past the bar."

"There are two fish in a tank, one says to the other ""do you know how to drive this thing"""

"Five Construction Workers Walk Into a Bar They should have been looking where they were going"

"No one talks to you on the bus when you're shaking a box of Milk Duds that your head phones are plugged into."

"Johnny shows his new watch to his girl friend. Johnny: My watch says you are not a virgin Girl: But I'm still a virgin Johnny: My watch is 20 minutes fast"

"What's trumps favorite movie? Wall-e"

"Donald Trump is basically the villain in every anime so I assume he'll be defeated by a 13-year-old boy in short pants"

"Hillary sucks But not like Monica"