70401
Joke of the Day
"Why can't Irishmen be lawyers? They can never get past the bar."
Next Joke
"[Cop arresting a centipede] *clink* *clink* *clink* *clink* *clink* *opens crate of new handcuffs* *clink* *clink* *clin"
"Someone asked me to write a sad story in 3 words today I just replied ""Trump or Hilary"""
"I'm at a party right now and your mom is the only one waiting by the punchbowl. Your mom is the punch line."
"Why is the Mississippi so wide? Because Mr. Sippi is hung like a horse."
"Why do women fake orgasms? Because they think we give a fuck."
"I went to the races yesterday. The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip."
"My father's sister is obsessed with killing germs, we call her Auntie Bacterial."
"Top advice for resumes: Be VERY careful with placement of dashes. Ex. - First-hand job experience = good. First hand-job experience = bad."
"I don't ""fuck"" my wife. I ""make fuck"" to her."