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Joke of the Day

"'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house not a creature was stirring... Not even a mouse stirred."

"I saw a TV for sale for only 1 because the volume button was stuck Did I buy it? Of course I did! Well, I couldn't turn it down Could I?"

"Every man hopes to marry a nymphomaniac; but in many marriages, after a few years the nympho leaves, but the maniac stays."

"Turned off autocorrect and I've never been happyer."

"Our brain took two billion years to evolve. Two billion trips around the Sun. All so humans can use it to look at kittens on the Internet."

"What's the difference between Stanley Yelnats and the rest of the kids in Holes? He was just a nerdy digger."

"Does time fly when you're having sex or was it really just one minute?"

"Don't know what to do Wife : Whenever we keep the money in the bags our son steals it, I don't know what to do? Husband : Keep it in his books. I know he will never touch them...."

"At the Special Olympics they don't use starter pistols... They use Spud Guns."

"Pink and wrinkly What's pink and wrinkly and hangs out your boxer shorts? Your grandma."