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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Stanley Yelnats and the rest of the kids in Holes? He was just a nerdy digger."

"So I drew a perfect circle today. You could say I finally got around to it."

"Do you know why Apple steals all their ideas? Cause when they make their own I lose my headphones."

"TIFU when I went to Subways... Whoops wrong sub. Oh wait. This has been done before, hasn't it? You probably Reddit already."

"You can learn a lot about your kids by helping them with their homework for example, mine are idiots."

"Did you know if you beat up a monk then he's no longer vegetarian? He becomes a *sore-sage*."

"My girlfriend said to me that she wanted me to tease her, so I said, ""All right, fatty."""

"Miley Cyrus down at the post office lickin all the stamps. Mail lady says they're not even that kind of stamp anymore but Miley doesn't stop"

"I was woken up today by a tap on my door Odd sense of humor my plummer has."

"I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is ""love"" but it's actually ""floor"" ."