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Joke of the Day

"Every man hopes to marry a nymphomaniac; but in many marriages, after a few years the nympho leaves, but the maniac stays."

"The Wolf of Wall Street broke the record for saying the f-word 506 times The previous record was held by my dad putting together a table from IKEA."

"What did Jupiter say to Saturn when he found out Saturn was pregnant? Did you planet?"

"Don't be fooled by the treadmill in my basement. I got it so I can be in a recliner drinking a beer even when I'm walking the dog."

"There's a brand new cemetery in town Everybody is dying to get in"

"My daughter wants a pony and my wife wants a new dishwasher, so I'm compromising and buying them a goat."

"Breaking: Man stabbed and killed Morgan Freeman 's granddaughter"

"What do you call a poodle that serves coffee? A Bark-ista! I said a bark-ista Coral."

"Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? She worked it out with a pencil."

"It only takes a few seconds to express our true feelings. Unfortunately police call it murder."