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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes when I get a retweet... I blow on my phone, twirl it and slide it into my belt holster, then ride off into the sunset like a dork."

"Fighting a lion is on my bucket list but I should probably make it the last thing."

"I made a Starbucks barista cry I put my name down as Dad and he stood there calling it over and over again with no reply."

"Whats the best part of having sex with a transgender? When you are hitting it from the back and go for the reach around, it feels like it went all the way through"

"Why did the USSR have so many lower case letters? Because they aren't capitalist"

"What's the hardest part about being a pedophile? Fitting in"

"""Chivalry isn't dead,"" I say, watching one zombie hold the door open for another."

"Being an adult is mostly pretending to like wine and saying ""the economy"" a lot."

"Why didn't the approaching black hole concern the astronaut? He didn't understand the gravity of the situation."

"I'm making a graph of my past relationships... I have an 'ex'-axis and a 'why?'-axis."