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Joke of the Day

"I'm making a graph of my past relationships... I have an 'ex'-axis and a 'why?'-axis."

"The generation of today are so allergic to everything, future wars will be fought by throwing bags of peanuts and cat hair at each other."

"How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it."

"I asked my friend in North Korea what it was like living there.... He said he couldn't complain."

"I like to help my children think up cruel nicknames for the other kids at their school."

"What do you call a reptile that loves putting things in groups? a segreGATOR"

"I had a really funny joke... but autocorrect ruined the lunchtime"

"I think some people just log into Facebook just to send me game requests."

"Why did 10 die? He was in the middle of 9/11."

"It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm quite busy."