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Joke of the Day

"Why don't mountains get cold? They wear snow caps. *cringe* ^Courtesy ^of ^Westjet's ^horrible ^phone ^line."

"What is the difference between a woman and a forklift? There is none. In both cases, if you don't have one, you unload by hand."

"[sitting on park bench] homeless guy: I'm so alone me: okay wow I'm right here"

"Employer: ""In this job we need someone who is responsible."" Applicant: ""I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."""

"States are like butts No one likes the flat ones."

"Half of all the people who go to an abortion clinic come out alive..."

"Drummers always have such lame jokes... I've heard them all like a Zildjian times."

"How to stop procrastinating I don't know but I'll figure it out later"

"What's an ethiopians favourite song. Its raining man."

"Diner: May I please have a glass of water? Waiter: Why are you thirsty? Diner: No I want to see if my neck leaks."