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Joke of the Day

"If you give a developer a cookie... they'll tell you why it's really better to use local storage."

"What do you call a plane with no wings? Fly Curious."

"Tough Monday, guys. Had to fire Guadalupe for putting two left-footed socks together. Heavy heart because she basically raised me."

"I said to my wife, ""You look like a million pounds.""... I said to my wife, ""You look like a million pounds."" ""Don't you mean dollars?"" she replied. ""I know what I mean,"" I said."

"Why don't shrimp give anything to charity? Because they're shellfish."

"5: Mommy said I'm a big boy and can't sleep in her bed anymore Me [sleeping on couch] she's right son"

"I don't appreciate the trash talking Chinese athletes saying ""we OWN you!"" to the U.S. team. Let's leave our deficit out of this!"

"Why do scuba divers roll backwards out of the boat? Cause if they rolled forwards, they would still be in the boat."

"Where do the elements go to church? At the Atomic Mass!!"

"[drops son off for 1st day at daycare] ""Ok, Mr Hughes, see you at 3 o'clock."" ""Not a chance. He's your problem now."""