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Joke of the Day

"5: Mommy said I'm a big boy and can't sleep in her bed anymore Me [sleeping on couch] she's right son"

"That awkward moment where your baby comes out black, and you don't want to keep it, but you have to because you're black too..."

"what did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? He wiped his ass"

"I've gotta go. This bottle of vodka isn't gonna get arrested all by itself."

"A man is told he is drunk by a Bartender He shouted ""I am not drunk"" The Bartender shouted ""Tell the time!"" The man walked up to the clock and shouted at the Clock ""I AM NOT FUCKING DRUNK"""

"My fathers wife bought a ""Christian cookbook"" I didn't even know they had different recipes, I've been eating sin all along."

"What does a drowning person looks like lol"

"""Tell me why I shouldn't report you to HR?"" The doctor yelled at me when I used the defibrillator wrong. ""I don't work here"" I yelled back."

"Starbucks puts the fee in coffee"

"I know exactly how President Obama feels. Every time my kids are forced to listen to me, they make angry Republican faces."