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Joke of the Day

"Tough Monday, guys. Had to fire Guadalupe for putting two left-footed socks together. Heavy heart because she basically raised me."

"Pretty disappointed to find out HGTV doesn't stand for Hugh Grant TV"

"This morning I had a shit that was an ornithologists dream.. It was like a thousand sparrows flying out of a hole in a tree."

"What is the difference between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my dick in your ass."

"A ""C,"" an ""E-flat"" and a ""G"" walk into a bar..... The bartender says, ""Sorry, we don't serve minors here."""

"Calling bullshit on movies. Not once have I walked into a public restroom and found a gun taped to the back of the toilet."

"I have a crush on a girl with a lazy eye But she won't even look at me.."

"I hear Christian girls give really good moral."

"I've never been as disappointed as my dog just was when she realized the food I dropped was a carrot."

"Some people should be forced to carry a plant around with them, to replace the oxygen they waste."