3669

Joke of the Day

"[drops son off for 1st day at daycare] ""Ok, Mr Hughes, see you at 3 o'clock."" ""Not a chance. He's your problem now."""

"How do you tell 2 Scotsmen apart? You lift their kilts, and whichever one of them has a Quarter Pounder is a McDonald!"

"I wouldn't really mind being left to my own devices as long they were fully charged and there was WiFi."

"My ceiling fan has 3 settings: 1. Very slow 2. Slow 3. I'm about to detach from the ceiling and kill you in a freak ceiling fan accident"

"Question: what's Erdogan's favorite puzzle game? Answer: pseudo-coup (say it out loud)"

"Wedding rehearsals, because ruining your life takes practice."

"What do you call an English teacher who used to have anxiety? Past tense."

"*opens door to show you my enormous stash of apples* ""The doctors will attack soon, and I will be the only one prepared."""

"What do you call a stupid arachnid? A spiDUUUUUUUR"

"What is the smallest mall? sMall !"