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Joke of the Day

"mailman: ahhh nothing quite like returning home from a long day delivering m- [gets attacked by his own dog]"

"A man with Schizophrenia says: ""I used to be Schizophrenic... but now we're better."""

"A reddit mod walks into a bar... She promptly kicks everyone out, locks the doors and, declaring herself to be the bartender, proceeds to get drunk with power."

"Mistakenly used yahoo for searching instead of google. It's like someone used google two days ago & is trying to remember the results."

"My gf told me to stop pretending i'm amy winehouse I said no, no, no"

"What's the difference between the ISIS headquarters and a kindergarten? I don't know, I just fly the drone."

"I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. "

"My dog did this i was going outside for 5 minutes and I told my dog not to poop in the house. When I came back, he had pooped in the house."

"Why is Trump's suits made from the same material as panties? What else do you cover a cunt with?"

"Talking on your cell during church isn't good, but if you use blue tooth hands free they just think you've got the spirit."