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Joke of the Day

"Someone just called for cleanup in the dairy aisle but I'm the only one here so I dropped the jug of milk I was holding and ran"

"I wish these fundamentalists would stop blaming natural disasters on the gays. Everybody knows Sandy happened because of the confluent evils of Wall Street and Jersey Shore."

"what do you call a scared Mexican? ""What do you call a scared Mexican?"" ""Pedro-fied"""

"I'm participating in a 0.25K run to raise awareness for people with attention deficit disorder."

"Why don't X and Z get along with Y? Because Y so serious"

"What do you call an aardvark that's good at golf? A paredvark!"

"My dementia keeps getting progressively fruit pants."

"I asked my lawyer cousin, an orthodox Jewish man, his opinion on gay marriage He said ""that would be GREAT for business"""

"When you feel sad When u feel sad.... To cheer up just go to the mirror and say, ""damn I am really so cute"" u will overcome your sadness. But don't make this a habit..... Coz liars go to hell !!!!"

"I'm not saying I did terrible things last night, but Satan just woke up on my couch and won't make eye contact."