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Joke of the Day

"You know who the real winner is today? The guy who sells ""I voted"" stickers."

"I've read Plumbing for idiots' twice and I still haven't got a clue what I'm doing. I guess it's going to take another few reads before this sinks in."

"My cat Minton just swallowed a shuttle cock. Bad Minton."

"What's it called when you kidnap a ghost? A Polter-Heist"

"I said this to my girlfriend today, she wasn't impressed Roses are Red, Violets are Blue. I'm shit at poems, Now show me your tits."

"What did Cinderella say when her photos did not show up? Someday my prints will come."

"Why do rappers always get arrested? Because he who did the rhyme did the crime"

"I went to the fancy dress shop the other day but they couldn't help me complete my wizard costume You just can't get the staff."

"Kelloggs is introducing a new Game of Thrones inspired breakfast cereal. Oberyn Crunch."

"The first thing I'm going to do when I'm rich is buy an airline flight for everyone who works at the DMV and then delay the flight forever."