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Joke of the Day

"What did Cinderella say when her photos did not show up? Someday my prints will come."

"Why did the wizard wear a yellow robe to the Halloween party? He was going as a banana."

"I like going to the park and watching the children run around... ...because they don't know I'm using blanks."

"[Phone with Mom] ""Did you just friend request me?"" I'm on fb now ""I'm not adding you"" Fine do your own laundry then *accepts friend request*"

"I'm still not convinced that ""the club"" is a real place. Rap songs might as well be about hanging out in Westeros."

"3 Men Walk Into a Bar One of them should've noticed. (credit to my brother)"

"When I die, can you do me a favor and tell my wife that I loved her? Thanks. Oh and delete my tweets. My password is thisbitchiskillingme."

"If you're on the exercise bike in front of mine, I'm sorry, but we are spies, and I am frantically chasing you through the streets of Italy."

"My oldest approached me today, and told me he was feeling suicidal. I said, ""Hang in there, son,"" and pointed to the spare room."

"Why are Canadians given only a half hour for lunch? They don't want to have to retrain them."