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Joke of the Day

"I said this to my girlfriend today, she wasn't impressed Roses are Red, Violets are Blue. I'm shit at poems, Now show me your tits."

"Use chemicals to remove polish and no one bats an eye Use chemicals to remove the Polish and you're literally Hitler"

"Did you hear about the college for dolphins? It was for educational porpoises only."

"We've secretly replaced the G with a K on this bottle of Jergens. Let's see if he notices."

"Do Indian restaurants have any bread? Nah, they have Naan."

"I told a little white lie... or a little black lie, because all lies matter"

"I've had insomnia so much it is starting to worry me. But I won't lose any sleep over it."

"""And now it's time for Guess How Many Belly Rubs I Want! Remember, contestants, guess wrong and you get the claws!"" - Cat game shows"

"A drop of roof water hit my face and I reacted like it was liquid herpes."

"I thought my secret vasectomy would just keep my wife from getting pregnant, but sometimes...... ... it just changes the color of the baby."