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Joke of the Day

"Just heard a 15 year old call an autobiography a word selfie *points finger gun at mouth* *pulls trigger*"

"Why weren't you at the Halloween party? My costume was a black father so I couldn't be there."

"I'm a people person, but from a distance."

"What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas? It was wound up already."

"Fred the Uncharitable Shepherd When asked about his personality, Fred the Uncharitable Shepherd replied: ""I don't give a flock."""

"Why did the run on sentence think that it was pregnant? Because its period was late."

"What do you call an underwater masochist? A submarine!"

"Why are horses never overweight? They're on a stable diet."

"My wife just found a pretzel in her hair and then she ate it and I didn't know I could love her more."

"A good way to break up with a girl gently is to curtsy when youre meeting her father instead of shaking his hand."