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Joke of the Day
"Whats the difference between you and a bucket of turds? The bucket"
Next Joke
"Did you hear about the mutant that had a sex change? She's an Ex-Man"
"Kids: Dad why have you never taken us swimming [thinking of an excuse because I can't swim] Me: I got killed by a shark once"
"*barber hands me the mirror to check the back* ""Looks good!"" I lie, after a few seconds of being unable to get the mirror to angle properly"
"PILOT OVER INTERCOM: I have some bad news, but before I tell you, keep in mind that the Wright bros could only stay airborne for 12 seconds"
"Excuse me sir, where do you keep the ""Whoomp""? Oh, there it is."
"I keep the streets safe at night by staying home."
"What did the comedy club proprietor say to the FedEx guy? The jokes are ok but you need to work on your delivery."
"""Come as you are. As you were. As I want you to be."" ~ Kurt Cobain, confusing party coordinator"
"Baseball baking What's the difference between a baseball cupcake and a baseball muffin... The batter"