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Joke of the Day

"Today's World : You Keep your friends close, your enemies closer and your relatives as far away as possible"

"Hey guy that puts the stickers on tomatoes, nobody likes you."

"What do you say to Jennifer Anniston after she has been stabbed? So noone told you knife was gonna be this way?"

"I got accepted into Harvard's medical program I just have to die first and give them my body"

"A wise man once said... Man who fish in other mans well catch many crabs."

"The Feds say that marijuana has no accepted medical use, overlooking how it could help 20 million unemployed Americans not give a shit."

"I told a woman she'd drawn her fake eyebrows on too high she looked surprised."

"Mom, what is a transvestite? -Ask uncle Yvonne."

"Him: Are you gonna kill me? Me: WHAT? Him: Your mood swings. I figured today's the day I die. Me: Him: *whispers* Please don't hurt me."

"Trust me, when they make a pill that REALLY makes your d!ck grow, that commercial will be on during the Super Bowl, not 3am!"