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Joke of the Day

"[1st date] Her: I love quail Me: Omg me too! H: Love Cher M: Omg me too! H: Love men Me: Omg me too! H: Love Pepsi M: WTF is wrong with you?"

"There was a maniac in town earlier today threatening to splash passersby with acid. Thankfully, police managed to neutralise him."

"Have you heard about that new film about the tractor? I just saw the trailer."

"poor guy. The cashier seemed to appreciate that I bagged my own groceries... Until I unpacked them all & said, ""That's how I want you to do it."""

"What kind of birds do you usually find locked up ? Jail-birds !"

"Aspirin is a Placebo!!! That sense of relief you're feeling is all in your head."

"What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut, you racist."

"Knock knock. Who's there? Doorbell technician."

"Why did the belt get arrested? Because it held up a pair of pants. I'll show myself out."

"The most tedious aspect of my job is the part where I have to jiggle the mouse every 30 minutes to keep the screensaver from activating."