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Joke of the Day

"Today I learned that johann Sebastian Bach was a big time gambler... It got so bad that he went baroque. Sorry..."

"H: ""Whatcha doing?"" Me: ""Going on twitter to hang out."" H: ""Twitter is an app, not a place."" Me: *whispers venomously* ""Is too a place!!"""

"My need for caffeine is so bad I'm going to AA for the free coffee"

"How many ""can't""s can a white girl ""can't"" before she literally can't even? my brother asked me this when i woke up and it has been bugging me all day."

"Why did all the girls fall in love with the leafy green-blood-sucking-parasite that was full of vitamins? Because he was romaine-tick."

"A nice box of chocolates provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?"

"Impotence: Nature's way of saying ""No hard feelings""."

"A skeleton walks into a bar... He says to the bartender, ""give me a beer and a mop."""

"What's long, hard, and has cum in it? ... a cuCUMber."

"*sleepy* *so sleepy* *SO SO sleepy* *brush my teeth* WIDE AWAKE."