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Joke of the Day

"""Do you think our lord and savior ever masturbated?"" ""Jesus fucking Christ..."""

"words that seem cool until you find out what they mean - atrophy - space bar - supervision - extraction - dogmatic"

"Why did the fish blush? Because it saw the ocean's bottom."

"Store Sign: ""WE HAVE MACE"" Think that's going to keep me from shopping here?"

"Pirates used to wear eye patches because they had hooks for hands"

"I told her it's been a while. She told me that was fine. It's just like riding a bike. Now she's mad I checked her for proper inflation"

"TAYLOR SWIFT: I knew you were trouble when you walked in ME (wearing ski mask and holding up gun): what gave it away?"

"Jihadi math university question: Ahmed has 3 lunch boxes. He gives one to Mohammed and another to Hassan. Calculate the area it will cover after the explosion."

"I never let people borrow my shoes, because if they walk a mile in them they'll know how much I exaggerate my problems."

"How do comedians send messages? By tee-hee mail."