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Joke of the Day

"TAYLOR SWIFT: I knew you were trouble when you walked in ME (wearing ski mask and holding up gun): what gave it away?"

"Why was the candle mad at his friend? He blew him off."

"How many? How many elephants can you fit into a Matterbooboo? ""What's a Matterbooboo?"" Nothing Yogi."

"Why was Leia disappointed on her wedding night? Han shot first."

"Knock Knock *Who's there?* 9/11 *9/11 who?* YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER FORGET"

"[Wall Street] ME: haha Hump Day, amiright? HUMPTY DUMPTY *rolls eyes* ME: eh? *nudge* HD: Dude don't- ME: eh? *harder nudge* EH? Oh shit"

"he doesnt always use the internet, but when he does, he shares recipes & inspiratiomal quotes. he is..the most pinteresting man in the world"

"If you jump through the hole in a hipster's earlobe you get transported to a SIMS game where the only people are Harry Potter characters"

"Facebook: You have more friends on Facebook than you think. Me: You have higher expectations than you think."

"I've been told I'm a compulsive liar and a hypochondriac but I don't worry about it."